What a Struggle

Ugh.  I never in a gazillion years thought it would be such a struggle to drink all my water, and get in all my protein.  Never.  

I am the person who NEVER struggled with eating before.  I'm the person who would go out to dinner and order an appetizer, and eat all my dinner and kick back a few cocktails.  I'm the person who would eat just one more slice of pizza, because I could.  I'm the person who would never say no to food.  And now, Godzilla (my tummy) is making things very difficult for me!

So first, there's the water issue.  Water is just not good.  Cold, cool, warm, it simply doesn't taste good.  I did discover one secret, and that is that my morning pills go down much better with room temperature apple juice.  I do 6 ounces after my shake in the morning to get my meds down.  It's the only way I can so far.

I've discovered that my protein shake is a million times awesomer when I add in 1/4 of a banana.  Holy cats, that makes all the difference in the WORLD!!!  And as far as protein goes, my source is sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast.  I cannot stomach the Bariatric Fusion, and while I find the Unjury to be okay, I would rather drink something that's good, rather than just ok.  

I'm so used to sucking down as much food as I want.  Today for lunch, I did a tuna puree.  (Which, by the way, tuna is really fucking hard to puree! I shouldn't of drained that can!!).  Anyhow, it was good.  I ate 1 tbsp and couldn't get any more down.  Isn't that ridiculous?  When I used to make myself tuna salad before, a tablespoon was like a taste test before I spread the entire can on some toast.  Seriously.  But a tablespoon went down, and I got that all-to-familiar feeling in my throat, that tightening, and then heard that rumble from Godzilla telling me to stop.  WHY ON EARTH DID I NEVER LISTEN TO MY STOMACH BEFORE?  Why didn't I ever stop before when my stomach started to hurt?  Why didn't I stop when I was full and knew I couldn't eat any more?  What a fucking dumb ass I am.  I mean REEEEEALLY!!

This life, this sleeve....it's such a struggle, but I think every day I'm learning the ins and outs a bit more.  

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