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A half

The other day, one of my girlfriends sent me a text message and said she thought we should train for a marathon and run it together. Ha. Me. Run a marathon. That's hilarious. We had a good laugh, then decided we should really settle for a half instead. It's always been on my bucket list to run a half, especially at Disney. This is something that I could really look forward to doing, but being that I'm always a) broke and, b) already going to Disney this winter, I don't see a Disney half in my near future.

It's almost funny to me to think that I could run a half marathon. I can't even run a full 5K yet. Yet. I'm trying so hard. I've always wanted to be a runner. Always. I was never able to. I remember in high school gym class, we'd have to run around the track. I would always start running, but could never finish the whole track. I was so envious of everyone who could. Hell, I was envious of every athlete at my school, because I wanted to do all the things they could do. 

Last year, I TRIED to finish a 5K. And I don't even mean running it; I'm merely talking about just walking it. I couldn't finish it and it was a low blow for me. I beat myself up over that, big time. Since then, I've finished two 5K's. Did I run the whole thing? No. Do I actually run? No. I jog. Slowly. But I'm trying. When I first started the C25K program, week 1 kicked my ass. I just finished week 3, and am moving on to week 4 this week. My problem is now it's taking me forever to finish a week because my son can no longer run the distance/time that the program allows for, and I don't like leaving him in the dust, so I only do it when I'm out alone. I have another 5K this weekend and I would REALLY like to try to run as much of it as humanly possible. Also, there is an 8K we're doing on Thanksgiving morning that I'm really looking forward to, and another possible 5K this October (the one and the same one that I failed at last fall).

Back to my half marathon. I figure, it's taken me an entire year to train and get right, to the point where I can finish a 5K. Granted, I REALLY want/need to be able to run a full one, and then, I will feel like I have accomplished something. Sure, the first time I walked a 5K, I felt pride. Because it used to hurt me, physically, to even walk the grocery store. But I cannot stay stagnant, I need to keep improving myself. So, I need to run a full 5K. Then, and only then, can I start to seriously train for a half marathon. And I have just the right goal in mind.

Today, I got an email about a local half marathon, in Niagara Falls. I thought...well, that would be perfect. It's a yearly half, so while I'm not ready this year, and will not be registering for it, next year, I WILL register for it, and I WILL finish it. This is my goal. I have a year to achieve it. 


I have found that a lot of things have changed in my life, since undergoing my weight loss transformation. I've lost a half pound shy of 170 pounds now, and that, to me, is staggering. Sometimes I still cannot believe that this is my life. I'm so different, now.

Physically, I'm smaller. I can see my collar bones now. I can feel my ribs and my hip bones. I no longer have cankles; I can see my ankle bones, and foot bones, and see veins in my hands and arms I never could before.  I can move my seat up in my car, because my ass no longer takes up the amount of room it used to. I no longer have to reach for the largest size on the rack, to ensure that whatever I'm trying on may fit me.

I no longer tire walking around the mall. Actually, I've amped up my walking/jogging, and am up to about 7 miles a day now. There is a cemetery a block away from my house. Walking from here, to there, and around the perimeter is 3.5 miles. I have become addicted to doing this twice a day. I live in Buffalo, NY, and pretty soon, fall, then winter will be here. I've got to get it in while I still car.

I am no longer afraid to meet new people. A month ago, we moved into the apartment we're at now. One of my husband's co-workers helped him out a bunch and helped us move. My husband had spoken about this guy a lot; they became fast friends. My husband told me that we were a lot alike; he was like the male version of me. My husband thought we would either really hit it off, and become fast friends, or hate one another.

*side bar - a year ago, I would of refused to have met his friend. I was much too self-conscious about my body and what I looked like. I was ashamed about myself and didn't want any one to see me.

My husband was 100% spot on about me and his friend. We instantly hit it off. Shortly after meeting, we were Facebook friends. We would chat often about random things, but we soon discovered how much alike we truly are. This guy is awesome. I cannot explain our bond, but I just adore him. Last week, my husband had to come home right from work one night, and go help his friend with something. It was nearing 11pm before I had heard from my husband, who was still out helping. I was being a brat, and I was super irritated, so I was giving them both the silent treatment. The following morning, I still wasn't really speaking to my husband; me and his friend had a war of words, and it was just a fucked up, sucky situation. The friend said some things to me that were really hurtful...

*side bar #2: a year ago, this wouldn't of bothered me. I would of gotten pissed off, told his friend he was a fucking asshole, and never spoken to him again. That was my attitude back then; cast them off before they can do it to you. Reject them, before they can reject you...

By my own admission, I was really at fault in this situation. Things were done/said by me, and I was acting really immaturely. However, his friend said some really hurtful things to me. Now, being that I'm NOT the same person I was a year ago, I was stunned. Then, hurt. I cried. Which - I don't do. Ever. I was hurt over what he said, and hurt over losing such a good friend. I tried to apologize, but he just wasn't having it. I literally moped around my house all weekend long I was so upset.

Monday, as I was swimming laps in the pool, I had a revelation. I decided that I was going to go ahead and forgive this friend. Even if he wasn't sorry, I wasn't going to let my anger and that hurt hold me hostage any longer. I told my husband that I was going to forgive him, and then sent him a long message. It turns out, he was also forgiving me. He, too, felt horrible about how our conversation escalated. He, too, was choosing to be forgiving. We both apologized, and we both felt better. We agreed to start fresh. 

The weight that was lifted off of me, when I decided to forgive - it felt amazing. I NEVER would of done this before. Not for anything. I was always like well, if they burn me, fuck them. But there is just something special about this guy - we just hit it off and have a very strong friendship bond. It's pretty awesome, actually :)

So that's been my week. It started off horribly bad, and ended being just awesome!


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