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Torture Rack

Ever see a TRX at a gym?  The "T-Rex" as an old trainer lovingly referred to it.  I refer to it simply as "torture rack".  My very first experience with this machine from hell was the first time I worked out in the gym.  Vince was the trainer.  He was big and muscular and a dick.  He had me doing squats and lunges and all sorts of things.  And after 10 minutes, my legs were jello.  I had a hard time walking.  I left the gym after that, sat in my car and cried.  I cried because I was in pain.  I cried because I was ashamed that my weight got so out of hand I couldn't handle the TRX.  I just cried out of frustration.

After that, I walked funny for nearly a week.  It was bad.  Really bad.  And I hated the gym.  That experience made me hate going. I DREADED sessions with my personal trainer, because I was so scared he'd make me use the TRX again.

About a week or so ago, I was minding my own business on the treadmill.  One of the new trainers came over to me and we got to chatting.  We talked about my goals at the gym, and we talked about my surgery.  She asked if I'd want to work out with her, and I did.  I went into my session with her knowing full well I didn't want to work with a trainer again.  For one, it's expensive.  $40 a week.  That's a lot of money for me.  Second, I just want to go in, do my thing, and leave.  I don't want to work with a trainer and have to deal with it.  I just don't.  My first go-round with a trainer just didn't work out for me so well.  When my new trainer took me over to the torture rack, all I could think was OH.MY.GOD.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.YOU.SKINNY.BITCH.DIE.

We did squats.  And lunges. And these weirdo suspension push-ups.  And suspension bicep curls.  And!  I even got my fat ass down on the gym floor and did crunches.  And my trainer?  She's awesomesauce.  I fought wanting to work with a trainer again, but we just really gelled together.  And truth be told, I can really use the help at the gym.

She kicked my ASS on the TRX!  Later that day I could just feel the soreness in my muscles.  And when I woke up the next day?  Let's just say it took everything in me to suck it up and go to the pool, soreness and all, but I did.  I was incredibly sore for the next two days, but sucked it up.  And yesterday we even had another training session.  She's kicking my ass, but pushing me and my body to do things that I know it can do...that I want it to do.

And, with my personal training comes nutrition counseling as well.  I have a web site to log into to log everything, and she can check in on me and see how I'm doing.  Probably the worst part about yesterday was being weight, in the gym.  Oh, and then she took my measurements.  To her credit, she did ask me if I'd be more comfortable doing it secluded in the locker room but I just don't care anymore.  I don't.  I used to care.  I used to be SO self conscious walking into that gym, but I no longer care.  I belong there just as much as those lunk heads do, and I'll be damned if I'm going to walk around all uncomfortable in the gym.  Fuck it.  I pay my dues, it's my gym too.  And I just.don't.care.  

So that's where I'm at.  Today, I'm wicked sore from my workout again.  Thighs, butt, arms...all killing me, but it's good because I know I'm working, and I hope to goodness this helps speed things along!

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3 Months...

Today marks three months since my life transformation.  Or, we can call it my 3-month surgiversary.  But truly, I prefer life transformation.

Things have gotten a bit easier, diet wise.  I no longer feel the need to consult my handbook every single hour to make sure what I'm eating is ok.  I like to think I have an ok grasp on my nutrition.  However, I am going to see my NUT in a few weeks to just go over a couple things.  In my mind, my carb intake is ok, because I don't necessarily count carbs from fruit.  But, I feel like I could be losing weight quicker, so maybe I need to cut the fruit out until I'm in maintenance.  I don't know.  That's why I'm going to a professional - so she can analyze my diet and tell me which direction she'd like to see me go.

So, where am I?  Progress wise, I'm a bit behind where I personally would like to see myself.  My surgeon seemed pleased with my progress.  I haven't asked him to give me a goal, or a deadline, because quite frankly, I don't want to feel that pressure.  I read so many people on the support boards FREAKING out because they're a few pounds shy of their surgeons goal.  I have enough stress in my life.  I don't need any more.

Pound wise, in three months I have dropped 71 pounds.  It seems so...small.  But, it averages out to be 23.6 pounds a month and I'm still almost close to a pound a day.  I just wish I WAS losing a pound a day.  The whole carb thing again.  So 71 pounds gone.  Forever.  I guess I shouldn't complain.  I've NEVER lost this much weight before, ever, so it feels really good!!

Inches wise, I think I'm making the most progress.  Since surgery, I've lost a complete total of 52.5 inches.  7 inches of that came off my waist, which leads me to my next victory - being down 2 sizes.  A lot of my old pre-surgical pants fall right off of me now.  I tried on a pair of jeans the other day and there's just no way.  Even with a belt, there is just no way.  I just got into my size 26's and found a pair of really cute capris in my closet that were a 24.  I figured I'd try them on just to see how long I'd have before they would fit, and they zipped right up.  Woo woo hoo!!

A few short term goals that I have:

1.  Lose 75 pounds.  75 sounds like a killer number.  Then 80.  Cannot wait to say that.  What I REALLY can't wait for is to say "I've lost 100 pounds".  Wow.  How awesome will that be?

2.  Get into a size 22 pant.  Then a 20.  I won't truly be happy until I'm in an 18 though.  I don't ever recall being in that size.  In 7th grade, I was wearing a size 20 jean, so....

3.  Keep busting ass at the gym.  I've got the green light to get back into lifting, so my upper and lower body can really get an ass-kicking.  I cannot wait to start incorporating the weight training with everything else I'm doing.

Here's to the next 3 months!!

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I don't know...

Lately I've been feeling frustrated.  I don't know if I'm actually doing ok with my sleeve, or if I need a lot more work at getting good at living with it.  I'm not losing weight as quickly as I'd like to.  Yes, I'm a glass half empty person.  I try not to be, but I am.  It's just how I was made.  It's been almost three months since my surgery, and I've lost just shy of 70 pounds.  It doesn't feel like three months, but yet it seems longer.  But 70 pounds?  That's it?  C'mon.  That hardly seems like much.  Then again, when you average it out, it's like nearly 5 pounds a week.  So when you put it that way, it sounds good.  See what I mean?  I flip flop like this every single day.

I am busting my ass physically.  I swim at least three times a week.  And I'm at the gym at least three times a week.  I feel like I've come a long long way from before surgery, when all I did was sit on my ass.  

I am losing inches.  I've taken almost 7 inches off of my waist along.  I went from a size 28 down to a 26 and today I was able to get on my 24's comfortably.  This was awesome for me, because I literally just got into 26's like two weeks ago.  I've noticed that my 28's I can no longer wear; they fall right down, and my 26's were feeling a bit big, leading me to try on the 24's.

So this is progress.  Down two sizes in three months.  Down 52 overall inches.  Yes.  52.  I realize that's over 4 feet.  Can you fucking believe it??!!??!!  And down about 70 pounds.  I just WISH the loss were noticeable.  That's all.  It's pity party day.

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Water. And Rascal Flatts

Woo.  I just came off of an awesome mother-freakin' weekend.  I mean...it was awesome.  Thursday, I was able to cross something off of my bucket list.  My husband and I got to see Journey in concert.  But, this was no ordinary concert.  Ohhhhh no.  For on Thursday, they were sharing the bill with my all-time favorites, Rascal Flatts.  Yep.  It was heaven on earth.  

For those of you who are Journey fans, I have to tell you, Arnel Pineda is one of the most energetic front men I've EVER seen live in concert, and I've seen a lot.  First and foremost, I don't understand how he's 45 years old.  Seriously.  Look at him!  Amazeballs.  Just proof that if you take good care of yourself, you too can look young :)  He blew me away and he was just awesomesauce.

The whole band looks good, actually.  For being around as long as they have, it's crazy.  They sounded perfect.  They played all the Journey songs I wanted to hear and then some.  I'm telling you, the night was glorious!

Of course, after seeing Journey, the night only got better when I got to see Rascal Flatts.  Nothing is ever better than that.  They are my heroes...my inspiration.  These guys have the biggest hearts.  They are so kind and so humble.  I've been fortunate enough to meet them several times and I just love them to no end.  Many people don't understand my "obsession" with them.  They inspire me...they are just everything.  It was a great night.  And I'm lucky enough to see them again in September and October.  Wooooo hoo!

So, the concert was in Hershey, PA, which is a 6 hour drive from where we live.  It was a really long day.  We left at 8am, got into Hershey, ate some lunch/dinner, checked into the hotel, and pretty much left for the concert, since it started at 5:30.  (Yes...not only was it a long drive, but a long concert...The Band Perry opened, Journey played for 1.5 hours, then Flatts played for 1.5 hours..so it was well worth it).  But, still a long day.  By the time we got back to the hotel after the show, it was nearing 2 am and I still needed to shower and eat something.

This was the first time I had traveled anywhere since getting sleeved.  I thought I was prepared, but I was not.  For breakfast, I ate half of a Quest protein bar.  I drank bottles of water in the car on the ride down.  We didn't stop for food, because we kept thinking maybe the next exit...maybe at the hotel...maybe maybe maybe.  When we finally got into Hershey, we went to Outback and I got a grilled chicken breast but could only eat half (it was 5 ounces).  After dinner, I just had a bad headache and was exhausted from the drive, but was anxious and excited for the concert.  It was hotter than balls out that day...I mean frikkin hot.  We got to the show and took our seats and I just had sweat dripping down my back.  It was so gross.  I drank two more bottles of water at the show and at one point was *this* close to just pouring a bottle down my shirt.  

My headache kept getting worse and about halfway though Journey's set, I realized holy crap, I have no energy left.  Between the heat and not eating most of the day (at this point in the day, around 7pm, all I had eaten was that half protein bar and half chicken breast)...I was frikkin spent.  Also?  I was dehydrated.  My feet were cramping so badly, I had to sit down.  Anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT ever sit down at a concert.  Ever.  Nope.  I'm up shaking my ass, singing along the entire time.  I just couldn't do it.  I felt like crap.

Once we got back to the hotel room, I ate the other half of my chicken breast.  Let me tell you...Godzilla was NOT pleased with me at all.  I took a shower after that, then went to bed.  Yea.  Me and Godzilla tossed and turned for a good two hours because he just wouldn't stop with the gurgling.  It wasn't until I got out of bed and let out a burp that he finally settled down.  Damn sleeve.

Anyhow...lesson learned on my trip.  Next time I go anywhere, I've got to keep a better eating schedule.  And drink more water.  Even when I think I'm doing ok with it, I'm not.  and dehydrating was absolutely NO fun! 


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