Just waiting....

Things have been quiet here lately.  I was supposed to have my endoscopy today, but late yesterday afternoon got a call that the Dr. wasn't going to be able to make his procedures today, so I have that rescheduled for February.  I do have my psych eval tomorrow.  I've had one before, so I pretty much know what to expect - though this is a different doctor so it may differ.  I've been down this road before, a few years ago, but never made it pas the psyche eval.  I wasn't...

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My brain is swimming....

Wow.  So, today I met with my bariatric surgeon.  My head feels like it's on information overload, but in a good way.  We discussed the vertical sleeve surgery, as well as gastric bypass.  I was completely sold on VSG.  I've been totally obsessed with watching YouTube videos of the surgeries, and I've been around on the message boards just obsessed with learning all I can about the sleeve.  This morning I was in the shower just randomly thinking, and it occurred to...

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Body Image

As a young child, I was always heavy.  My mom kept our kitchen pantry very well stocked with all sorts of snacks: potato chips, corn chips, nacho chips, all sorts of sugary cereals, snack cakes, pudding cups...  Why we had all this junk food was beyond me, but we did. I was never ashamed of my body, or felt out of place until other people made me feel that way.  The two earliest memories I have of feeling bad about myself come courtesy of my mother. When I was younger, I took dance...

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Surgery

When I had my son, I had a c-section.  Shortly afterwards, I got a horrible infection.  I was so sick after having my baby.  I was in and out of the hospital a few times.  Finally, after my incision opened back up, my doctor decided to just leave my wound open and let it heal from the inside out.  After about two months, it was healing great, but it wasn't going to close on its own without a little help.  I wound up having surgery and they had to cut off a bit of skin...

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Birthday

Today is my son's birthday.  One decade old.  It hardly seems possible.  How quickly a decade can fly by! I swear I just held him in my arms for the very first time.  Child rearing is so very bittersweet. I've been very anxious lately.  My appointment with my surgeon is next week, but I want it to be right now.  I am very anxious to start the rest of my life. Of course, I have all these anxieties and fears. Will I be too fat for weight loss surgery? Will my insurance...

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Epiphany

So this morning I'm driving to work, eating a frozen Bob Evans English muffin with sausage on it (I removed the cheese and egg, because I don't like those), and I had an epiphany.  It's like a million light bulbs went off in my mind, all at once.  As I was driving, I couldn't help but think "Wow, I'd love a Tim Horton's cafe mocha to go with this".  *side note, I did stop for my cafe mocha.  And something odd happened, but I'll get to that later. I got to thinking about carbs,...

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So here's the thing....

Talking about my weight is difficult.  Super difficult.  I had one relationship with a guy that was awful.  Just really abusive.  I remember one time, right after we had an intimate moment together, he sat there and looked at me, in my most vulnerable state and told me how disgusting my arms were.  They were too flabby, and I needed to do something about it.  And me, with my low-self esteem (and having just gotten out of an equally abusive marriage) thought well, he's...

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Cravings

I think one of the biggest obstacles I will need help overcoming is how to deal with food cravings.  Obviously, once I'm sleeved, I won't be able to hit Five Guys and have a big ass burger and a large fry.  Nor will I be able to go to Chipotle and have a big fajita bowl and bag of chips.  My stomach won't hold that volume of food.  I can try to pack it in, but I'll vomit.  Or worse, tear my new sleeve and develop a leak.  The silly thing is, I don't even know why I'm...

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Reasons

So, I've thought long and hard about weight loss surgery, obviously.  It wasn't a decision that I ever came to easily.  As a matter of fact, I've gone over this decision in my head time and time and time again.  A few years ago I contacted a surgeon's office to begin the process.  I never saw the surgeon, but I did go to the psychiatric evaluation and he pretty much talked me out of it.  I hadn't done my research at that time.  I hadn't even considered all of the things...

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Getting Shit Done

I haven't been able to stop thinking about my impending possible weight loss surgery.  I came home from work today and called the surgeons office to see if I could get the ball rolling on some other things.  January 8th I got to my primary care physician for a physical including blood work.  January 16th I attend the mandatory weight loss seminar at a local hospital.  January 23rd I meet with the surgeon and a week later I'll meet with another doctor to have my psych evaluation. ...

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3 More Weeks....

I've got just 3 weeks and 1 day until my appointment with my surgeon.  Can you tell I'm anxious?  I have never wanted anything more than to have this surgery done.  I am so tired of living my life like this.  I packed my snack and lunch for work tomorrow.  My 10 am snack is a fruit salad consisting of 5 strawberries, 2 slices of kiwi, a handful of blackberries and a handful of blueberries.  For lunch I packed 1/2 cup romaine lettuce, 1/2 cup spinach, and a few slices...

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