Memories

Sometimes I'll remember something from a past event, and it just hurts.  Like this one time with an ex-boyfriend.  He sat next to me, picking my body apart.  Telling me arms are disgusting and I should be embarrassed by the size of my belly.  He would stuff his face with cheeseburgers and ice cream and yell at me if I dared to touch a potato chip.  He'd make me feel small and worthless.  He would tell me that I should lose weight, but not too fast because if I have excess skin I would gross him out too much.  But, when the weight didn't come off fast enough, he would berate me and pick at me even more.  And I stayed with this piece of shit for almost a year!!  To make it even worse, this "man" conned me out of my life savings, so not only did he take my safety cushion, he took my pride, he took my trust and he took even more of the very little self esteem I had left.

I hate memories like this.  The gnaw away at your brain.  But memories like this solidify WHY I want my sleeve surgery.  I want to show the entire world they didn't win.  I'm an awesome bitch.  I'm so loving, and kind to the right people.  I want to be the hot piece of ass that my husband deserves.  I want to be the active mom than my son deserves.  I want to be the kick ass person that I deserve!