Disappointment

So every month, I make goals for myself. Weight loss goals. Usually, I strive for 10 pounds a month, but the past few, I've been content with 8. In April, I only lost FIVE FUCKING POUNDS. I know what I did wrong. Not enough protein. Too much Starbucks. Also, I haven't been able to swim like I want to. I hurt my finger on a mandolin slicer and wasn't able to get it wet, and hubby's work schedule doesn't allow us to swim the length we've been swimming. And nope, I sure as heck won't swim by myself. But on a positive note, a bunch of other good things have happened. For one, I was able to shop off the rack at Old Navy, and they don't carry "plus sizes" in the store. Nope, I just bought regular plain old women's XXL sizes and they're perfect. Actually, my compression capris could be XL, but I tuck my tanks into them and wanted more flexibility for my runs.

Oh yea, and I took up jogging. Sort of. I'm working on the Couch to 5K program.  So far, so good.  And so far, I fucking love it.

Then there is this photo below. Fitting into one of my husband's tee shirts. Very cool. My wardrobe just doubled y'all. And even better? Waking up this AM, weighing in, and realizing he now weighs more than me. Mega score.

I'm still managing to put a good bit of my old clothes on eBay. Last night I was taking photos of jeans to list and came across these. I remember these pants. They never got worn, because they never fit me well.  Check out how they fit now.  Hehe.

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Well well well...

So...I WAS stalled.  Saturday, hubby and I went to Canadian bingo, and afterwards, hit a local Mexican joint that we haven't been to since around April or so.  Now, typically when I go, I'll down more than half the basket of chips with salsa, chug a gigantic strawberry margarita and eat all my food.  This was a completely different experience.

1.  I drank iced tea, but only drank 2 sips of it.  I hate not being allowed to drink while I eat, but I'm getting used to it.

2.  I ate exactly 4 tortilla chips.  Not half a basket, 4.  They were delicious.

3.  I ordered a gigantic burrito.  I was able to eat about 5 bites of it.  I took the rest home and had dinner that night, some for breakfast and wound up throwing the rest away.  4 meals for one low low price, boo ya!

I am convinced that a wee bit of carb loading, along with my swimming, broke my stall.  I used to do my 38 laps, which is half a mile.  Let me back that up.  When I started in July, I'd do 1/4 a mile.  Now?  I'm doing 76 laps so I can swim a mile.  It takes me awhile, but it burns around 1400 calories in the process.  Combined with my weight training at the gym, I feel I'm making real progress.  So much in so that I'm down 6 pounds since my last post.  I'm 16 away from losing 100.  And!  I REALLY REALLY wanna get a reward tattoo when I hit 100 pounds but....

I also just booked a trip to Disney for the family.  I haven't been in about 18 years.  My son and husband have never been, so I'm super excited.  I booked us a luxury condo that's about 2 miles from "The World".  I think out of the 3 of us, I'm the most excited.  Sure, my kid likes Disney, but not even remotely close to how much I do.  I'm a bit obsessed.  Always have been.  And I adore my 5 Mickey Mouse tattoos.  Our trip isn't until December of next year, so that gives me plenty of time to save $$ and to keep on shedding the fat!

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Stalled again. Grrrrr.

Being stalled has got to be one of the most frustrating things in the world.  Pre-op, I didn't weigh myself.  This was mostly due to the fact that the scale didn't go up as much as I weighed - the cut-off limit was 350 lbs.  So, I couldn't weigh myself even if I wanted to.  I'd get weighed at the doctors, but tell them not to tell me.  

Anyhow, now that I CAN weigh myself, I do it every single morning, like clockwork.  I really shouldn't, because all it does is drive me nuts.  BUT!  When I am stalled, it alerts me to this so I can make adjustments. 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, y'all.  I am having my ass handed to my by my personal trainer at the gym.  She works me GOOD.  I swim laps three times a week, for at least an hour at a time.  I am getting at a minimum, 60g of protein a day.  This was my nutrioninst's minimum daily recommendation.  Now, I was in her office last week all in a panic, over my carb intake.  Because I have days where my carbs equal my protein.  But, she told me that 90g of carbs is my limit.  And, she would like to see my up my protein, so I do know that I need to do that.  It's just so hard.  The food addict in me still wants everything to come from food, not supplements.

Arrggghh.

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2 Months

Tuesday will mark two months since my surgery.  How my life has changed.  Two months ago, I was eating.  A lot.  Calories, carbs and fat - in unlimited amounts.  I ate to my hearts content.  I drank a 2-liter of either Diet Coke or Cherry Coke every single day.  I ate king size candy bars, and bags of M&M's and then I'd look at myself in the mirror and be SO disgusted with myself.  We'd order take out, or go through the drive-thru at least 3 times a week, and that wasn't even including how many times a week I went out for breakfast at Timmy Ho's or Starbucks.  Yes - life was different.

Today?  I eat well under 800 calories a day.  Most days, I'm around 650, actually.  Two months ago that was what - half a meal?  

Two months ago, I sat on my ass.  A lot.  I had a gym membership, but I was too self-conscious to actually go to the gym.  Today?  Wow, that's changed.  3-4 times a week I swim laps for an hour, and 2-3 times a week I do my cardio and strength training at the gym.  I am also doing this 30-day squat challenge one of my friends got me into.  Today was an off-day, thank goodness, because my thighs were certainly feeling it today.  I feel SO much better about myself than I did two months ago.  I feel alive again.  My mom saw me on Friday and she told me that even my whole aura has changed.  My pants are all too big (but I still wear them).  I can actually see a difference in my face now.  I'm still packing quite the double chin, but it's better than it was back in May.   

I am only down 56 pounds.  I say only because I had an agonizing stall.  A stall that lasted nearly 3-4 weeks.  I've still lost about 38 inches all together, over my entire body, though, so I guess I'll take it!

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Loser

Life is good.  Life is BUSY.  I'm adjusting to my new schedule.  I am blessed enough to be able to work from home.  But, every morning, we get up and either head to the aquatic center to swim laps for an hour, or we hit the gym.  We alternate days, and it works out well because I don't wind up getting bored.  Truth be told, I would be just as happy swimming every day, but my husband loves the gym, so we compromise.  It'll be interesting to see how the schedule works once Bubby goes back to school in September.  God help me if my husband goes back onto day shift, because I don't know that I have the balls to swim all by my lonesome.  The gym is one thing..but the pool?  Aye.

So, I'm about 8 weeks out now from my surgery.  I'm learning to eat different foods and see how Godzilla takes them.  The other day I went to Subway and got a chopped salad.  Godzilla was NOT happy.  Guess it's too soon.  I didn't do lettuce, but I did do spinach and my other veggies.  It was really tasty, but not worth the grumbly in my tumbly.

I stalled for about 4 weeks, and that time was awful.  I've figured out that my weight loss equals about how many days it's been since my surgery, so overall, I'm losing about a pound a day, but I secretly wish it were more.  I've been pretty faithful with tracking in MFP. I also went and got a Fitbit Zip last night so I can track my steps and calories burned a bit more accurately.

Despite being stalled, I still lost some inches.  Not nearly as many as I did during the first month, but at least it was something.  All in all, since surgery, I have lost 38.5 total inches off of my body.  This is a very very good thing.  I am still so far from where I need to be, but I try not to look at that, but rather smaller mini goals.  My next goal is 60 pounds lost...then 75.  All of my pants are too big on me, but I'm not quite yet in the next size down, so that's another goal too.  Baby steps!

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Woo hoo hooooooo!!

Oh yea baby!  Not only is my stall broken, but I hit a milestone today.  Not only have I lost 50 pounds, but I threw in one more for good measure.  Yeoow!  51 lbs. gone for good.  It feels SO damn good too.  I feel a huge sense of accomplishment today.

This morning, I got my son and hubby up bright and early at 6:30.  I don't know who was more miserable...my hubby, who is used to getting up at 8, or my little man.  But once they were both up and we were out the door, we were all fine.  We went and swam this morning, and I was actually putting in quite a bit of effort...doing "real" swimming laps.  Not those doggy paddle or tread water back and forth type of laps, but the type of freestyle laps you see at swim meets.  Yea, I still got game.  We actually swam for a full hour today, which made me feel even more accomplished than I already did.  

My new short term goal is another 5 lbs. gone.  Longer term goal, 75 lbs. gone.  Even better than that will be when I'm FINALLY into two-ville.  I cannot frikkin wait, and I'm sooooooo close I can see it!  Soon...soon!!

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What a week!!

Ugh what a week.  I'm so damn glad it's about over.  Monday our internet went down.  This is usually not a big deal, but now since I work from home, it's a VERY big deal.  We didn't get it back until freakin Wednesday.  So that's put me quite behind on my hours for the week.  Dammit.

Diet wise, things are going ok.  I'm 2 pounds shy of losing my first 50.  I've been stalled for nearly a month.  I'm pretty sure the weight I lost was poop.  Sparing a majority of the details, constipation has gotten the better of me.  BIG TIME.  Last night was pretty much the worst night of my life, and I never EVER want to endure that pain ever again.

I've been meaning to get on here and post a few more protein bar reviews...I've tried some really tasty ones!  I was so utterly disappointed in the Quest Banana Nut Muffin ones.  I really wanted to like them, but they tasted like ass, so the bar promptly got thrown away.  Very disappointing.

What else...oh!  My family joined the aquatic center.  I love swimming, it's always been one of my favorite forms of exercise, but we never have anywhere to swim.  My son was on the school swim team last year and loved it so much, but he does need some improvement, so I got him signed up for swim lessons there, and then signed up for a family membership as well.  I cannot wait to start tomorrow.  I'm seriously stoked about this!!

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Ggrrrrrrr

I swear, this dang stall on the scale is going to be the death of me.  I have obsessively been weighing myself ever since I was a week out of surgery and realized hey! I can weight myself at home again.  And there was NO greater thrill than seeing the pounds just come off....sometimes as much as a pound a day.  It felt like victory.  It felt wonderful!!

Then a week or so ago, I noticed the same exact weight, day after day after frikkin day.  And I said to myself; "Self, you are in the dreaded week 3 stall that you kept reading/hearing about."

Dammit.

The 3rd week stall.

But I don't wanna be stalled!

But, I am stalled.

And have been.  And to be perfectly honest with you, it's pissing me the fuck off.

But!  There is good news.

Today I had to go back to the office (I work from home...woo woo!!), to pick up some more work.  I saw some of my friends, who I haven't seen since about a week or so before my surgery, so it was nice seeing them again.  And I have to say, even though I really can't see the results on my body yet, because I see myself every single day, I did have a few people tell me what changes they can see.  Hearing things like "You look amazing" was something I never thought I'd hear anyone say.  But I guess when you drop 45 pounds, it does make a difference.  

I was told that they can see the difference in my face, and all over....

The face is what makes me the happiest.  I used to love taking pictures with my husband and son, but then you start to notice things like those pesky double chins and how fat you look and it makes you feel AWFUL, so you just stop taking pictures.  But I miss those times, and all those memories, so losing weight in the face?  Definitely a good thing!  So while on one hand, I'm obsessed with this dang stall, on the other hand, I guess I can take into account that I have lost some weight and people can notice, and that is a very good thing.  Total self-esteem booster too!

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The Devil and His Headaches

Prior to my weight loss surgery, I used to get frequent headaches.  Frequent meaning at least 3 days a week.  I used to miss a lot of work because of my migraines.  I would get them and just wouldn't be able to function.  I would notice things like not getting enough sleep gave me a headache....getting too much sleep gave me a headache...having too much caffeine gave me a headache...not having enough caffeine gave me a headache...

I never considered that anything in my diet was contributing to headaches.  I just didn't ever think about it, honestly.

Once I started my liver reduction diet, I stopped drinking Diet Coke and Cherry Coke - my two biggest vices on this planet.  Also, I obviously stopped eating the sweets I was addicted to - mainly chocolate.  So right there, I was ditching caffeine and sugar.  What also stopped was my headaches.  I wasn't feeling like utter crap on Monday mornings, my head was clear!  It was great.

And until then, I hadn't had a headache, until I woke up today.  I was laying in bed thinking to myself, what on earth made my head hurt?  I've not had caffeine...or carbs really...or sugar....

oh.  wait.

fuck.

I DID have some sugar.  And I have been so used to not having it, and knowing what I was putting into my body that I didn't even consider to read the label of something new I had tried.  Dammit.

So I've been struggling with protein big time, and just needed something new, so I grabbed some Slim Fast ready to drink shakes.  Uh yea.  These little bottles of poison are LOADED with sugar...taking a look at the label we have: sugar, fructose, HFCS, maltodextrin, sucralose...and then at the bottom in bold it reads "sweetened with nutritive and nonnutritive sweeteners"

So, yuck.  This explains my headache today.  Over a month of going sugar free and then bam.  A cocktail of crap.

How could I be so stupid to not even read the frikkin label?  Seriously...

This just goes to show that for the rest of my life, I need to take the time to read and pay more attention to what's going into my body.  Because the honest truth is that I feel like utter crap right now with this headache.  I did not miss feeling this way every single day, honestly.  Who would??

Also, I'm really annoyed, because I'm at the infamous week 3 stall.  I've been stalled for about a week now.  I was thoroughly enjoying losing a pound a day...I was feeling so successful, and I was feeling like the pain from surgery was worth it....and giving up all my favorite foods was worth it.  Until I stalled.  Now I feel like an epic failure.  I know that it supposedly happens to everyone, but when the scale isn't moving, and I'm eating SO little, I feel like something is wrong with me.  This sucks!!!

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