Self Image. And snacks!!

This entire weight loss journey has been so bizarre. When I began, all I could do was think and dream about how I'd look after dropping weight. I never considered how I'd feel. Sure, I thought I'd probably have more energy. I thought I'd probably have more energy. I never once expected that I'd still see myself as the same old morbidly obese person.

I thought I'd undergo this fantastic transformation; like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. And in a sense, I have. My body has been transformed. I have a smaller ass. A leaner waist line. Slimmer hips. Hell, I have ankles now! But, I still see myself as the old me. The 368 pound me. Despite dropping 150 pounds, I cannot see myself as smaller. I have people telling me they can see it, and I STILL can't! I'm unsure why this is such a problem for me. Maybe it's because for 38 years, all I ever saw was the fat me, and I don't know any other way to see myself.

On to another topic - snacks! I had my one year follow up with my surgeon earlier this week (more on this topic tomorrow), and I had a lovely chat with the patient coordinator. We were discussing snacks. I don't like experimenting with snacks, or purchasing foods I've never tried, because 1) snacks can be expensive and 2) it feels like such a waste of money if I hate the item.  I posted awhile ago about the protein snacks I purchased, and I tried a new one with my lunch today.  

The product was Sea Salt and Vinegar "Protein Chips" by Health Wise.  I purchase those here:  AmBari Nutrition. I wasn't too sure how I felt about these upon first bite. But I ate a second. And then a third. And then yes, this entire snack size bag. And I have to say, they were really good. I would normally feel guilty, except, I didn't. And, it was 10 grams of protein for these. It definitely satisfied my chips craving, guilt free. You can check out the nutrition and ingredients labels below.

  

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People and their bad decisions...

So I have to vent today about people who piss me off.  Yea yea yea, I can hear it now, so what else is new? Haha!

I belong to a few surgical support forums, and there's always going to be a mix of different people and personalities.  But the kind of people that really irritate me are those who have this tool, eat like shit, and bitch that they're not losing weight.  Take for example Jackie (not her real name, obviously).  Her forums posts read like a true obese person (really, I'm not judging, because I've been there...but still).  Constant photos of plates of food (her last one was a plate with a slice of cheese and pepperoni pizza, chicken wings, breadsticks and ranch dip - hardly what I would call bariatric friendly food).  Someone asked her if she ate it all.  Her reply was no, she couldn't finish the breadsticks.  So....she ate pizza and and couldn't finish her bread.  Well no shit.  I have no idea how she manages to do it.  She just posted a link to her MyFitnessPal food diary...and here are a few of her days.

B: skipped
L: 1 slice of blueberry pie
D: 6 chicken wings, 12 oz. can Diet Coke
S: 2 mini bags of popcorn

B: skipped
L: 1 bottle of Snapple
D: 6 chicken wings
S: slice of zucchini bread, mini bag of popcorn

She also feasts on:  bags of potato chips with French onion dip, sausage patties and scrambled eggs, hot dogs from a gas station, and 2-3 juice pouches at a time.

This girl has the balls of steel to be MAD AT HER SURGEON!  Mad because he's saying she should be losing more.  Well no frikkin shit!  I cannot imagine how she's losing weight, but I imagine her pre-op diet must of been way worse than this, if she's eating this shit and actually losing weight.

Which brings me to my new favorite TV addiction My 600 Lb. Life.  Wow, this show. Never have I seen a bigger group of whiny "woe-is-me" people.  Oh wah wah wah, I'm STARVING on this 1200 calorie a day diet.  Really?  Try 800 calories.  No, you won't starve. You might actually lose weight!

One of the episodes had this woman who not only didn't lose, she gained, and she was in such denial she would blame the doctor, the scale, anything. She actually told someone she must of lost 350 pounds, and then said her starting weight must of been off.  No, you're just in denial.

Another girl had a family who would bring her food and junk into the hospital because she was refusing to eat the hospital food and her mother didn't want her to starve to death. At almost 700 pounds, I'm quite confident she wasn't going to starve to death, and probably would of gnawed off her own arm before that happened.

One one of my weight loss forums, someone posted that she feels responsible for other people, and would steer them in the right way if they were going off track.  I replied that I would not.  I gotta do me, and not worry about anyone else.  Granted, I'll bitch about other people, but I'm not about to hold someone's hand and make sure they're doing this right.  I'm not a damn babysitter and I'm sorry, but if you're not willing to put in the work, than maybe you're just not ready for this journey.

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Stalled again. Grrrrr.

Being stalled has got to be one of the most frustrating things in the world.  Pre-op, I didn't weigh myself.  This was mostly due to the fact that the scale didn't go up as much as I weighed - the cut-off limit was 350 lbs.  So, I couldn't weigh myself even if I wanted to.  I'd get weighed at the doctors, but tell them not to tell me.  

Anyhow, now that I CAN weigh myself, I do it every single morning, like clockwork.  I really shouldn't, because all it does is drive me nuts.  BUT!  When I am stalled, it alerts me to this so I can make adjustments. 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, y'all.  I am having my ass handed to my by my personal trainer at the gym.  She works me GOOD.  I swim laps three times a week, for at least an hour at a time.  I am getting at a minimum, 60g of protein a day.  This was my nutrioninst's minimum daily recommendation.  Now, I was in her office last week all in a panic, over my carb intake.  Because I have days where my carbs equal my protein.  But, she told me that 90g of carbs is my limit.  And, she would like to see my up my protein, so I do know that I need to do that.  It's just so hard.  The food addict in me still wants everything to come from food, not supplements.

Arrggghh.

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