So here's the thing....

Talking about my weight is difficult.  Super difficult.  I had one relationship with a guy that was awful.  Just really abusive.  I remember one time, right after we had an intimate moment together, he sat there and looked at me, in my most vulnerable state and told me how disgusting my arms were.  They were too flabby, and I needed to do something about it.  And me, with my low-self esteem (and having just gotten out of an equally abusive marriage) thought well, he's right.  And I actually thought at that point in time that all relationships are supposed to be abusive, because that's all I knew at the time.  I remember him telling me that he'd ask me to marry him (which I wanted desperately at that time - I truly thought he was "the one), if I would go on the Biggest Loser show with him.  *Here's what really pisses me off too!  I used to LOVE watching that show, and found it so very inspirational.  But I can no longer watch it.  Even seeing commercials for it now makes me cringe, and I'm scared to death to watch it with my husband now, because I'm so scared he will leave me if I don't go on that show!

So, talking about my weight just freaks me out.  My husband now tells me I'm sexy, tells me he loves me how I look, and just wants me to be happy and healthy.  But me talking to him about my body is just---ick.  I hate it.  Hate it so much.  So tonight, we're standing in the kitchen and he says to me "so which surgery were you thinking of having?  The band?  Gastric bypass?"  It was so out of the blue that I was literally stunned for a moment and had to ask him "Why are you asking me this?"  His answer was quite justified.  "Because I'm your husband and I want to know."  When I told him I was wanting to get the vertical sleeve he told me he hadn't heard of it. Truth be told, I hadn't heard of it either, until I started doing my research.  When I told him that they remove 80-85% of your stomach, his eyes grew really big and he looked shock.  I'm sure he's thinking I'm crazy.  Hell, I think I'm crazy.  But the surgery is done laproscopically and I'm not afraid.