An Explanation

So because I'm bored and putting off work right now, I'm going to tell you a bit about me.  On the front page of my blog, the title is  "Changed Gurl", and in my tag line, it reads "Here I Am...Changed."  If anyone here reading is a fan of Rascal Flatts, they will recognize this.  If you're not a fan, go to Spotify or YouTube and give them a listen.  

The three men of Rascal Flatts; Gary, Jay and JoeDon, are my idols and my heroes and my inspiration.  It sounds a bit crazy; they're just three men in a band.  But to me, they are much more than that.  I have been fortunate enough, and blessed, to meet them several times.  Getting a hug from your idol is nothing short of awesome.  Their music has touched my life in ways that I cannot explain, so I no longer try to.  I just love what I hear, I love their message, and I love how I feel when I'm standing in the pit at one of their shows, singing along to every word.  It sounds  obsessive, and maybe to some it is.  But they just touch me, and inspire me.  

Last winter I had gotten a Rascal Flatts tattoo, and last July got to go backstage at their show in Cleveland.  It was so cool, talking to them, and having Jay stop and pause and admire my tattoo.  

Anyhow, in April of 2012, they released the album "Changed" and the song of the same name is the first song on the CD.  The song just means so much, inspires so much in me.  I cannot wait until my transformation is complete, so I can get my "Changed" tattoo.  They have inspired me to live better, be better, strive to do better.  

Back to weight loss...today was puree day!  For breakfast, I had my protein shake with 1/4 banana.  It was utterly delicious, but the banana gave me heartburn.  I don't think it was ripe enough.  I could taste that "unripe" banana flavor all morning long in my throat.  For lunch I nuked a Smart Ones turkey medallions and mashed potatoes.  The turkey and gravy got pureed.  I have to admit, it looked and smelled like baby shit, but it tasted wonderful.  I was able to eat a tablespoon.  The mashed potatoes were good too, but I could only do about a teaspoon of those.  Godzilla, my rumble tumbly, started to grumble and I knew it was time to stop eating.  I'm pretty sure I'll try the same for dinner tonight.  Don't want that delicious turkey going to waste!

Read more »

Hooray for Puree!

So...tomorrow I get to begin purees.  I am both excited and nervous.  There are so many foods I'm dying to try, mostly because I just want to frikkin eat.  I miss eating!  However, I also know that I need to go slow and introduce foods to Godzilla one at a time so I can rule out anything that doesn't agree with him.  

Tonight for dinner, I made some Italian Wedding soup and strained it to eat the broth.  I did let one carrot into my bowl.  I smushed it with the back of my spoon and mixed it in with the broth.  You should hear my tummy right now!  I always know when to stop eating; Godzilla tells me.  I may want to shovel a few more spoonfuls into my mouth, but Godzilla stops me.  That's one good thing about my new tummy, I suppose.  He is gurgling away right now like it's nobodies business, and honestly, I probably had 1/4 cup of broth.  I just have to take it wicked slow.  And I don't wanna.  I'm miserable.  I want food!  But I'll take it slow and do what Godzilla says to do.

I weighed myself today and am down 39.2 pounds.  Come on 40!  That includes 3 pounds before the liver reduction diet, and 16 pounds while on the liver reduction diet.  The rest is from surgery.  Woo hoo!

Today was decent. I managed to get my shake down this morning with no issues, and then, get my meds down as well.  Liquid today has mostly been sugar free apple juice.  Liquids are tough.  Some days things will taste really good, and other days like utter shit, so I allow myself some leeway as far as calories go.

Let's hope that the puree stage goes well!

Read more »

Torture

Would you like to know the definition of torture? It's having bariatric surgery, not being able to eat, and watching the Food Network or Cooking Channel.  Why am I doing this? I guess because I want food so badly, if I can't eat it, at least I can look at it.  The last few hours, I've been watching BBQ Pitmasters.  This show should be illegal. It's meat. I am a meat girl. I could probably eat anyone under the table while eating meat. Well, in my former life. With my new stomach? I can puree some meat..haha.  I am SO looking forward to purees. I'm obsessed. Today was a bit better than the last, but I have no energy today what so ever. Not being able to get in all my protein and water is taking a toll. I'm exhausted all the time. Today - I decided not to push myself as much and listen to my body; and I napped a bit on the couch because I was just so tired. I am so thankful that I work from home, because there is no way I'd be able to be back in the office just yet.

I am DYING for my steri-strips to completely fall off. They itch so bad. I have sensitive skin, big time, and the adhesive is driving me insane. I just want them off, but I'm scared to see what they look like underneath. Yes, I'm a weirdo.

Read more »

Sooooo tired....

I'm so fucking sick of liquids.  Ugh.  I know it's in my best interest, and I know it's to heal my new tummy, but seriously, I'm just so done.  I'm having a tough time getting everything down as well.  Two protein shakes a day right now is my limit, and half the time, I can't even quite finish one.  I only have the chocolate ones and right now, the thought of anything chocolate makes me want to vomit.  If you knew me pre-surgery, you'd be shocked by this.  I could eat chocolate like it's the last day on earth...I'm the type of fatty would could pound down one of those ginormous Hershey bars and not think twice.  Then again, there's a reason why I was so fat to begin with!!  Anyhow...chocolate now?  Yick.

Soups are ok.  I was dying for cream of mushroom, and ate it twice.  Don't wanna touch it.  I strained light clam chowder broth, and ate it twice.  Don't wanna touch it anymore.  Can't even bring myself to the cream of chicken, or anything else for that manner.  Last night I opened a can of chicken and barley soup, and ate the broth.  I nearly cried, because all I wanted to do was eat the entire contents of the can.  It smelled and looked sooooo good.  I just want food!

Today I'm having a tough time with my pills and vitamins.  The vitamins taste like ass.  I had my husband get me some Flintstones and guess what?  They taste like ass - in a smaller version.  I'm so disgusted.  And today my heartburn is flaring up again, causing me to have a tough time getting all my liquids down.

I prayed and prayed for this surgery, and now I'm praying for a speedy recovery.  I'm exhausted and I have no energy, because I'm not getting in enough calories.  Ugh I just want to be normal again. :/

Read more »

Down down down

Today I had my one week surgical follow up with the Dr.  I love my Dr.  He is one of the most compassionate people I've ever met.  He walked into the room, all smiles, and asked me how I was feeling.  I said pretty good..and he jumped in and said "pretty good considering some jerk put you to sleep and took most of your stomach away?" and he just grinned.  

On May 4th I started my liver reduction diet.  On May 16th I was sleeved.  In that time frame, I have dropped 26 pounds.  I couldn't believe it.  My scale at home showed a loss, but not a loss like that.  My scale at home is off by about five pounds.  I got on the scale and said "holy shit, is this thing accurate?"  I was stunned by the number I saw.  It made me feel so good.

The Dr. said things are going well.  I can add thicker liquids this week like cream soups and puddings.  I have tolerated both quite well today.  Godzilla was a little noisy when I was feeding him the soup, but he loved the pudding.  I see my tummy still has a sweet tooth :/

Oh, and in case there's doubt as to how much my surgeon rocks, he fist bumped me at the end of my visit today.  Total sparkle in his eyes - he was in a good mood and I was in a fantastic mood.  26 pounds y'all.  It's amazing.

Read more »

So pissed!!

When my son was in 1st grade, he was bullied - badly.  I expected much, much more out of a private Catholic school - so I was stunned when the bullying began.  And it wasn't just a little girl teasing him along with her friends; it was a little girl kicking him and hitting him, oftentimes in his private area.  This all occurred at the school's after school program.  I spoke with the coordinators - they said there was no problem.  I spoke with the principal who told me "oh silly mom, kids will be kids."  Kids.  Will.  Be.  Kids.

Kids will be kids.

Kids will be kids.

What the fuck kind of answer is kids will be kids???

I removed him from that school and placed him in another one that impressed me from the word go.  I'll never forget our first day there - the principal met us at the front door to welcome my son into the school.  I felt like ok, this is where he belongs.  That was 3 years ago.  Now?  I'm not so sure anymore.

His first 2 years at this school he excelled.  His grades were terrific - he made honor roll each semester.  He was always being honored at the breakfast of champions - the principals award breakfast (and day out of uniform, hooray!!), for doing your homework every single day.

This year - 4th grade - it's so different.  My little boy no longer smiles at the thought of going to school.  He never does his homework, resulting in lunch detention after lunch detention.  He's being bullied--to the point where he no longer wants to go to school everyday.  He's being bullied to the point where I think he's purposely forgetting his homework, so he can avoid class time with the bullies.  His grades have gone to shit.  He's just not the same precious little boy as I had last year.  Know what he told me?  He said, "Mommy, I'm so used to getting picked on, I don't mind it anymore."

And that broke my heart into a million pieces.  

So Tuesday I will meet with his principal.  This has to stop.  I cannot see my child's heart and spirit break any further.  I cannot stand to see him hate school, hate learning.  School - for me - was hell.  Because of how badly I was bullied and I want that to turn around for him.

Read more »

I am sleeved!

Wow, finally.  I'm sleeved.  Thursday morning I woke up and I wasn't as nervous as I feared I'd be.  We got the hospital and only waited around 20 minutes or so before they called me back.  I got into my gown, got some bloodwork drawn and got a couple shots in my tummy  It was a catholic hospital where I had my surgery, so a nun came over to pray over me, which I have to admit, I much welcomed.  My surgeon came to talk to me, and he let me know that he'd be doing a liver biopsy while I was under because my blood work was showing elevated liver enzymes.  

I waited a bit longer, sweating my ass off in this heated gown (which sucked) chilling with my hubby.  I wasn't nervous or anxious - I was just ready.

Anesthesia came to talk to me, and then we were off.  I kissed my husband and wished like hell it would just be over fast, and it was.  The only thing I remember is the freezing cold OR, and them getting me onto the table.  I don't even remember a mask or anything...

To be honest, I don't remember much about recovery either.  I do remember getting off of the bed in the hallway to get into my room, and my gown didn't tie in the back, so I mooned half the floor, and didn't give a shit.

The first night, the pain was truly kept at bay.  I kicked my husband out of my room at 9pm so he would go eat some dinner and get some rest.  I was given a pitcher of ice water and chips and that was my savior.  I slept like crap, but kept hitting my pain button.  My room was like a sauna and I was miserable.  By 4 am I was begging for a drink, but all I got were these green mint swabs, that while they did the trick, they also made me nauseaus.

Finally, it was time to go for my swallow test.  The nurse who wheeled me down was a former bariatric patient, who looked amazeballs.  I'll be happy to look like her someday.

I think my surgeon was in my room by 9, and I was home by 1, napping.

First few days was hell, painful, gassy, miserable.  Each day gets better.

I'm excited to eat some broth later.  I tried protein with skim milk this morning, but I have lactose issues so I think I'm sending hubby to the store tomorrow for some unsweetened almond milk.  Other then that, I'm progressing.     The first couple days I was cursing my stupidity for doing this to my body, but now I'm gradually getting/feeling better.  I'm only taking pain meds once per day, I'm off of my nausea meds, and the only thing I'm taking is half my blood pressure meds and the meds for esophageal spasms, which seems to help when I get those nasty gas bubbles. 

Read more »